On a lighter noter...

I read my last entry and realized I left it on such a gloom and doom note. There are a lot of positive things at home and being back on the dirt roads makes you slow down and enjoy the moment- something I struggle with in Portland where there are so many things to do and so many choices to make.

Here are a few other things I learned while at home:

· I drove my dad’s truck. It is an F350 extended cab, dually back monster with a stubborn 2^nd gear and big ol’ stick shifter (think big rig). I’m a pro.

· The radio stations in Guys Mills, PA consist of country, country, classic rock and country.

· There is nothing good on TV and a whole lot of the same crap on multiple channels.

· On a similar note people actually believe they can carve abs in bed. Seriously people…

· I played 8 games of pool in 2 days with a 65 year old man and only won once. I need to practice more billiards.

· Avatar was surprisingly good considering sci fi normally makes me cringe

· I miss my bikes.

· I actually enjoy bird watching. As long as the birds come to me. That happens when you bribe them with food and the rest of the ground is covered with a foot of snow.

· Miss Kitty also enjoys bird watching. Maybe a little too much.

· My dog Maverick will never ever EVER tire from playing with his red ball. He’s obsessed. BUT if he does tire from fetching it the game turns more into keep away and I’m the victim.

· My parents are extremely resourceful. I am so grateful for how many life skills they have taught me including more traditional ones involving craftsmanship and creative problem solving.

· I love my grandma. I love her so much. She is goofy and can make jokes about any awkward situation we seem to find ourselves in. I hope as I grow old I continue to find the humor in life.

· My parents are computer-challenged. Maybe my mom more than my dad, but it showed me where I get it from. They act like there are more important things in the world. Weird.

· I love my parents cooking. Another life skill I am grateful for. I love vegetables.

· Running in 15 degree weather (that’s without the wind chill and around 1pm for max sun) gets really old really fast. I have a whole new level of respect for northern winter runners. That’s dedication.

· Finding the proper base layer combination is hard when you are out of practice.

· I don’t miss the east coast. I specifically don’t miss the dry, brutal cold. I DO miss my family. A lot. I feel like I usually come for 5 days and it’s never long enough. Now I’ve been here for 30 and it still seems too short. Does that ever go away?

Returning home to the house you grew up in for a month can make you feel like a kid again real quick. It is an overnight transformation. I’m not sure if that is good or bad, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say good…87.6% of the time.

Stop the ride. I wanna get off.

I picked up the paper the other day and the front page had a huge article called “Save the Streak”. You see the Blue Streak is an old wooden roller coaster outside of town. I’m pretty sure it almost killed me several times as a kid, but there is a group of people in town trying to raise money to fix it up and keep it running. I’m not sure if this is historic preservation or refusing to let the past go.

I continued on through to paper and handed it over to my Grandma so she could read the obituaries (part of my new daily routine), but I couldn’t get this roller coaster out of my mind. My sister and I would go to Conneaut Lake Park just so we could ride this rickety mess over and over and over.

This whole past month has felt like a roller coaster ride. I wish I could say it was a good day then a bad day, but it has more rolls than that, more like a good minute and then a bad minute. I have no idea what is around the bend or what is going to happen after the steady clicking to the top stops and to be perfectly honest I am exhausted. I want OFF.

The highs have been very high, full of gratitude, love and laughs and the lows have been miserable, full of sharp pain and unbearable sadness. I really don’t want to get into detail, but I will say that I am starting to rethink the “live to 100” thing. It is such a romantic notion and the reality is it is the decline is far from graceful and it is often very lonely.

I would also like to say that life repeats itself…over and over and over. Sometimes I just wish I had the power to intervene and stop the cycle. I’m very torn between wanting to get home and move forward and fearful that I have not done enough here. There is just so much. I also feel bitter toward money and have not felt that way in quite a few years. I get so angry at the direct correlation between money and comfort or lack of money and stress. I am happy that not having money taught me how to be responsible and independent, but I am so bitter in this moment. I wish the universe would reward people for selfless acts, but that would require divine intervention and I believe people have more to do with their progress or decline than a higher being. And for the record, I am not saying that one exists or doesn’t exist- just that people make choices and consequences can be expected as a result.
I better get back to Portland and make my millions. If anyone has suggestions for how I can do that, I am all ears.

The list.

I am a list maker. I thoroughly enjoy lists to the point of questioning whether I should add an item to the list after I did it just so I can cross it off. I haven’t yet, but I have thought about it.

Years ago I made a bucket list. The plan is to complete everything on the list before I kick the bucket. I have been off to a bang up start! I have been ski diving, I ran a half marathon, and I took a ride in a helicopter. Check, check and check. I have been learning to play the guitar and took a few dance lessons too. Those are both partially crossed off.

Then it went a little further. I made another bucket list. Now I have a list of places I want to see before my grand finale. This is getting out of control, or maybe it is being too in control.

Alright crazy lady, you need to put the pen down. Some of my best memories in the last few years were not planned at all. Last minute road trips are my favorite and perhaps, my little list making habit is more inhibiting than inspirational. How can I have a list that must be completed by an unknown deadline?

The worst part about a bucket list is it just keeps getting better. I thought I would go to Ireland and then I could cross it off. Wrong. Now I just want to go back! Oh those emerald isles…such a tease! I went to Olympic National Park and caught a glimpse of Canada. OH Canada…I have not been over that border since I was a kid! And never on the west coast…how exciting!

I am in big, big trouble here.

I need out! Don’t get me wrong: I have no intention of abandoning adventure. That would be ludicrous! Instead I plan on flying away wherever the wind takes me, bucket list in hand. What? I can’t get rid of it entirely. My memory is crap and there is a good reason this thing is nearly as long as I am tall. I just don’t want it to ever be a burden. If there is an amazing vacation that is not on the list I’m still going! Likewise, the earth will continue to rotate if this is not the year I make it to Spain. I will get there someday.

“Do what you can, want what you have, be who you are.”

3 clicks on those ruby red slippers...

I flew home to Pennsylvania on Tuesday. I arrived at the Portland airport 5am (pacific time) and I witnessed sunrise out my window on flight number one.

Flight number two: depart Phoenix 11:30 (mountain time) and witness sunset.

There are some benefits to traveling all day and this view from above the clouds made me...sleepy. How do people make "bicoastal" seem so luxurious? Just one way is exhausting enough.

I’ll be home several weeks so do not be alarmed if you do not see any new posts. Cable apparently doesn’t stretch down the dirt roads to my parents’ house and therefore internet is spotty at best. So far it is snowy and quiet and my dog has turned into a tank.

Just another day (journal entry from 1.1.2010)

New Year...what a strange idea.

I approached New Year’s Eve this year with a fairly casual attitude, mostly because it snuck up on me. I was excited to go snowboarding then party into the morning hours with close friends. We had our 50s attire ready (per the theme request), and I was excited to not spend a lot of money but instead have a lot of fun.

Later in the night it dawned on me that it really was a new year! That may sound ridiculous, but I also sustained a mild head injury on the mountain so that might account for some of the confusion. Overall I was just shocked that another year went by so fast. (My friends with children swear that it just gets faster the older we get…probably true.)

Even later in the night someone mentioned it was a new decade. What?! How did this happen?! I started thinking back to the last change of decade: the dreaded Y2K. I was home from college and went to a “formal” party at a friend’s house. Actually, it was her parents’ house and I was still underage. A boy I knew kissed me at midnight and this made me blush because in 2000 I was still quite naive.

In ten years I have moved more than 500 miles 3 times, and lived in 5 different states. I have traveled outside the US 3 times and within the US for 4 months by myself. I have been homesick and happy. I made a few bad friends and a lot of great ones. Most important I have experienced heartbreak and love. Real love.

I have said that I do not think I have changed much since high school; my core is still the same. I value my friends and family above work and material items. I love art and practice less than I should. Nature still blows my mind and I am constantly looking for new challenges. The point is, that core is definitely still there, but it is so much stronger now. Every moment I have experienced (and sometimes endured) has affirmed who I am. I know that I can choose who I want to be and what I want to do. I am confident and happy with the foundation set for me and now I am building upwards.

I do not do the resolution routine because to me New Year's Day is just another day. Real goals will be achieved regardless of the last digit tacked onto the date. Instead of looking forward I tend to look back and today I am grateful for the time passing quickly. It has been a wonderful decade and I look forward to the next.

A good find

Big news...
We got a puppy! Not really...
Neebs got a puppy!

His name is Ezio (EZ E for short) and he is cute and cuddly. So far he has no idea how to lie down, shake or give kisses. He is teething and that makes him extra nippy. He can not sleep without being on top of you and his breath stinks...super funky. BUT he rocks at running with you, even if you happen to be on a skate board or bike. Dylan took these pictures. I made the dog bed.

Love him.

'Tis the season

Actually I suppose it no longer is the season. More like 'twas the season, and here is a little recap of how it went...

I finished up the Go Love Tour in mid-December and returned to Portland on a mission to get ahead of the curve. In order for you to understand this mission, you should probably understand my interpretation of the idiom. I know that "ahead of the curve" is actually referring to a bell curve and being above average. However, when I was a kid I pictured a foot race and a curve in the road. If you were ahead of it you were doing well because you could see the road still ahead of you. Maybe I combined "ahead of the curve" and "ahead of the pack". Either way, I've been working hard and I am at the curve. I may be purely average, but I can almost see the future!

Dylan and I became incredibly domestic at the tail end of 2009. I would say we got an A+ in organization (ahead of the curve). We determined that one household does not actually need to own 5 tents. We bought new pots and pans (hopefully now our lives will not be cut short because of flaking Teflon). We also sorted out the coat closet...it is shocking how things fit when they are on shelves instead of piled on the floor. I feel caught up and that is amazing. My 3 page to do list is about 1 page. Incredible.

Christmas was in Portland this year. Low key. Just me, Dylan and Neebin hanging out. Since I am technically unemployed now I need to be smart about the monies and plane rides are not cheap! The day after Christmas, we did take a mini vacation...to Portland. I guess that is now classified as a "staycation". It is amazing how the pearl made us feel like we were teleported to San Francisco. Where did all these stylish people come from and what happened to all the hipsters? Here are a couple shots from our walk around town...

In total, we attended 11 holiday parties in 3 weeks including 4 in one night and 3 fugly sweater parties. We attempted to take one "serious" picture for my mom. Not so good...now we are a little boring. We tried.

New Year's Eve was a riot with a 50s party at my old house. We slept in the NEW (to us) Volvo. This is always a viable solution to avoid drunk drivers. Warning: the police may think you are homeless. Totally explainable.

All in all, the holidays flew by and now I am flying out. I am going home to PA for about 3 weeks to help with Granny-duty.

Being at the curve is good. I still can't quite see what is coming, but judging from the amount of light pouring around the bend it is going to be amazing! It will be a bright, bright future!