The Ups and Downs

Several years ago I talked to a friend about working internationally and she said, "It will be the highest of highs and the lowests of lows you could possibly experience". She was so right that I think of that saying often.

This year has been incredible...and challenging. The places I go are still exciting and new, but somehow more familiar the second time around and that breeds a certain level of complacency. I feel like I am still out here bursting balloons, but now my tack is just a little more dull.

Spring was so filled with energy and excitement and love for the job and my friends here. Then some big changes happened. I was thinking about my family a lot. I had a packed work schedule and very little time to relax. My friends came and went and the time seemed to go by too quickly...I want them back! I want my little slice of home to stay with me everywhere I go!

It was wearing me down and I knew it. I was exhausted and incapable of creative outlet or anything else that would involve effort. I just wanted to sleep and GO HOME. I just wanted to go home. My brain was constantly torn between doing a job I love in places I love to explore or going home and finding another option.

I knew that I was not appreciating things the same way I did last year and I was mad at myself for it. I felt ungrateful and that made me feel guilty. How could I be so spoiled?

I needed to refresh. Feel love. Find my energy again. So I went home for a little taste of the normal. Then we found the woods...far away from cobblestone streets and bell towers. We had dinner with my sister and Nate and had a campfire in the backyard.

One of my favorite memories was going out with Dylan to shoot the Chris King Gourmet Century. Ironically this ride is all about combining passions and enjoying the things you love. We collaborated on this little photo project and it was just what I needed. It was an outlet for pent up creativity, but also relaxed and so familiar- driving around shotgun. Sometimes it is just the little things.

It is one of the hardest things to convey: this is not an easy job. It is not easy to be far away from home, working long hours full of manual labor and exhausting, neverending customer service. But it is also a GREAT job. A fun job. I do not want to feel like I am desensitized to the things I love most here nor do I want to feel like I am complaining about a job that I love, but I can not pretend it is perfect either. No job is perfect and putting on an act is exhausting.

Just know that if I am not writing or taking pictures or calling as much as I want, the love is still there. I am happy with what I am doing, but sometimes I don't have the energy to write the words. Sometimes I am just treading water trying to make my way back to the place where I am now. Happy.