8.24.09 I know heart break

I think everyone does to some degree. Maybe some more than others, but everyone has felt their stomach drop out as the sadness creeps in. It's very personal. The gravity of the issue dependent on so many factors, but to that person, in that moment, in their world it is everything. I also think everyone reacts differently. Some internalize everything, some vent it out. Some bounce back, some may never recover.

Me...I get busy. Well, not quite- I actually cry about 2 days straight THEN I get busy.

When my greatest fears and suspicions were actualized and the truth behind the lies revealed, I cried. Then I got organized. I found a new home, I sorted out "my things", I packed...and ordered others to pack. Then I dove back into work.

When I didn't get into a certain teaching program, I wallowed in self-pity, hidden by a curtain of happiness for my best friend who did get in. I cried and cried and dreaded the day my soul sister was going to leave me and start her grand new adventure. The feeling of stagnancy was overwhelming. I needed to move forward...I needed to get organized. So I rearranged my schedule, laid out my budget, looked for new options and then I dove back into work. See the trend?

But there is another, less apparent common thread. Somewhere in the chaos of my organization I am also processing. With the processing comes the healing, then the day comes when I remember I am lucky. I have so many ears to listen...so many people who care. I didn't lose a sister, she is exploring the world. She is still present in my life- just a little further away.

More importantly I have a sister here...my real sister. She was the one who flew to Florida to spend the holidays with me when I was too broke and too burned to fly home. She was the one who listened and then promised me that everything happens for a reason after my grand plan to go international didn't work out. She is the one person who knows me in and out and as different as we can be, she is the only person who is just like me...from the same place, been through the same struggles. She's the one I called when I was having a bad day in college and still who I call when I'm feeling like nothing has changed and I'm still broke. But now I'm broke and happy.

Sometimes it just takes a good swift kick in the ass and drop in the stomach to realize that right where you are is the best place for you in this moment. Work hard, better yourself, but remember...everything happens for a reason.